Guns and Pizza

Story by Matt Heidkamp - Photos by AP/Amanda Lucier

Photo © All Around Pizza & Deli

“God bless America, and no one else!”

That’s the phrase I imagine being murmured around the All Around Pizza shop in Virginia Beach, where good ol’ red blooded ‘muricans can chow down on a few greasy slices while flaunting their 2nd Amendment rights earns them a 15 percent discount. Yes, when you show the cashier at this fine establishment that your packin’ heat, you’ll save a few bucks and get the ease-of-mind that a reported 80 percent of your fellow customers are gun wielding patriots just like yourself.

Grannt Guns Picture: AP Photo/The Virginian-Pilo Photo ©Amanda Lucier

What a beautiful display of American rights and traditions. Combining our love of artery-clogging carbohydrates with the thrill of murder? Count me in. The imminent fear of an unwarranted gun battle leaves my belly growlin’. I’d love nothing more to gorge on a Stromboli while two gun-touting rednecks pistol-whip themselves senseless after one of them takes the last of the crushed red pepper.

This promotion is billed as a support for our amendments that make up the Bill Of Rights, America’s mainstay for the cause of equality and one of our biggest crutches to rest on. I’m all for due process and the freedom of speech, but offering incentives to show off your deadly weapon at a family restaurant is an ass-backwards way to flex your rights. In what world should weapon-holding citizens be encouraged to gather together? “It’s my right” is an acceptably foolish answer.

Grandma might have two bad hips, poor eyesight and slight racist tendencies, but I’ll be damned if it isn’t her right to enjoy a slice and a shotgun. Just look at that smile on her face. Guns and pizza make perfect sense together.

Baby in Arms Picture: AP Photo/The Virginian-Pilot, Photo ©Amanda Lucier

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