Soulless Sunday

“If you have a bad trip, you need some ‘anchor food’. Simple food. Something to bring you to the real world. Breakfast sandwiches and bad-trip donuts.”

Story by M. Henderson - Illustrations by Sinister Poptart AKA Brittany Schall -

Shushi Sandwich Illustration ©Brittany Schall

There comes a point and time in the lives of most twenty-somethings when they figure out exactly what they need to feel better after a long night of partying. For most, restricted budgets and a lack of effort leaves us easing our morning hangovers with coffee, toast, and a handful of Advil. Nothing fancy. Just enough pseudo nutrients to give us the strength to half-ass our daily routines.

Others, however, require a slightly more elegant hangover remedy.

Enter Justin.

By day, Justin is a promising law school student, who, in due time, is sure to be rolling around in copious amounts of money and power. By night, he is a rambunctious party goer; a man-about-town type with an insatiable palette for the finer things in life: good wine, fancy cheeses, and, like most aspiring shark lawyers, top-notch drugs; and he loves to share.

Bad-Trip Donuts Illustration ©Brittany Schall

In fact, I once saw him make a plate of mortadella, aged cheddar, and French bread at four am after spending the better part of the evening blowing lines of god-knows-what with rolled up twenties. His post-party culinary efforts share the same ethos as the substances he subjugates his mind and body to: try anything once and share with everyone. And, while the hung over masses are struggling to pour themselves a bowl of cereal for morning brunch, Justin cooks five-star meals in honor of Soulless Sunday, the day of the week you recount your questionable Saturday night decisions and attempt to make yourself whole again.

After a long night of galavanting, I asked Justin to pair some top-tier foods in accordance to what he’s hung over from. Here’s what he suggests:

Cooking for Soulless Sundays

MDMA: “The perfect meal after taking Molly the night before is sushi. It’s soul restoring. When you get fucked up off Molly, you have two choices the next day: either you can go for something greasy and fat and you won’t enjoy it and you’ll pass back out unhappy, or, you can go the lighter route and get sushi. Shrimp mango roll works (for this hangover).”

Heavy Drinking: “Grease factor is a must. If you can incorporate the grease factor, that’s perfection. I’d suggest home made hash browns with tomatoes and onions. Then bacon. Lots of bacon.”

Oops! Illustration ©Brittany Schall

Coke: “Coke is always the most regrettable night. You wake up with a headache and say, ‘Why the fuck did I do coke again? I hate coke.’ You need a meal on par with the highest degree of self-loathing. Plus you’ll have a killer appetite. Go out to dinner. Have a casual beer or two.” (Justin then breaks into a twenty-minute discussion of how cocaine works and chemically affects the body)

Acid: “If you have a bad trip, you need some ‘anchor food’. Simple food. Something to bring you to the real world. Breakfast sandwiches and bad-trip donuts.”

Pain Killers: “The first step is to remember that you’re human and you need to eat. You need something really wholesome like a seasonal soup or spiced stew.”

Mushrooms: “The best breakfast is weed.”

After our conversation, I was excited to pass out. It was four am… We’d have a lot of soul restoring to do in the morning.

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