Eat

The McMichelin Review

Story by Shay Neary - imshaybutta@gmail.com Photos and video by Icarus Blake

McLove from kodezero on Vimeo.

You do not expect to find, past the glass storefront collaged with advertisements for new food experience and the school bus colored archway sign, gestures toward elegance. But inside, the walls are mounted with carved hardwood fans and artwork of flamboyant adults and children portrayed excited for McDonalds. An array of colors and smells parade on to diner’s palette as a swarm of individuals wait to be served their timely meals. The seats are a hard veneered plastic, with small faux leather cushions on the back. The atmosphere alone is something that titillates the five senses with trepidation!

Photo © Icarus Blake

Photo © Icarus Blake

The hard plastic lit up menu above the cashiers, with glossy close-ups of more than 20 dishes is hard to look at and focus. You grow dizzy; a sense of panic seizes the diner. What to choose? The mind races, the cashier stares as if you have a mental problem, and then: You decide on the Big Mac. This is a giant competitor at this establishment. Most diners choose to experience this aculeate of muscle, meat and fiber. It has two “quality” farm raised beef patties that taste like you were chewing on a shoe sole, three pieces of hydrogenated buns which almost taste as if they don’t stale, fresh hydroponically grown lettuce and pickles, “Mac Sauce” I swear is Thousand Island Dressing, and four slices of cheese straight from a government WIC brick.

Photo © Icarus Blake

Photo © Icarus Blake

Feeling peckish? Maybe a Fish Filet? The same tired buns from the Big Mac, with an almost bruised cut tofu sheet, springy and oddly mild with a fishy flavor of Cod and Walleye, but having somehow soaked up none of the congealed tartar sauce it comes submerged in. Please forgive the frail piece of lettuce, mocking the sandwich into the “Healthy McDonalds” oblivion that we try to fool ourselves into believing.

The Classics need to be honored: Chicken Nuggets arrive in stacks, crisp and tender, oddly shaped like baby’s socks, waiting to be dined upon and devoured. The juiciness of the white breast meat with no rib tantalizes the tongue, with a breaded exterior that is similar to eating potato chips, the skin cracks and the inside explodes. There is always a variety of sauces and sides at McDonalds. My choice is always the subtle notes of ranch or barbeque. Never Ketchup!

Photo © Icarus Blake

Photo © Icarus Blake

I entrusted myself with choosing a “vegetable” for the table, I materialized a large French Fry. Why they are called “French Fry”, like you’re getting just one fry, I have no clue. The snack stick morsels of oil soaked potatoes were covered in kosher salt and the pinching at the lips does not begin for a good minute after the first bite; within five minutes you can barely lisp. (It subsides.) This is always my favorite part of the meal, eating the fries last, means you always enjoy McDonalds.

Finishing the meal with a grasp of my Coca-Cola, and a swig of its sugary sweet syrup stained liquid from my plastic red and white straw, my time at McDonald’s was over. I cleared my crumb/sauce covered table with the recycled tri-folded napkins from the dispenser. Feeling content on my stomachs lack of fulfillment, I will return again, to dine and to commemorate on the timely traditions of the Fried Food Nation.

Photo © Icarus Blake

Photo © Icarus Blake

McDonalds
★ (one star out of 4)
102 1st Ave (between 7th St & 6th St) New York, NY 10009
(212) 477-9171, www.mcdonalds.com
Recommended:  French Fries; Ranch Chicken Wraps; Chicken BLT; Chicken Nuggets; Shamrock Shake; Sweet Tea; McGriddle; Egg, Bacon, and Cheese Biscuit; Apple Pie
Price: S $1.00 to $8.99

Photo © Icarus Blake

Photo © Icarus Blake

Open: 24 hours Daily for breakfast, lunch and dinner.
Delivery:  Yes
Reservations: First come. First serve. Walk in’s only.
Wheelchair  Access: Dining room and restroom are on same level as sidewalk; restroom is spacious and equipped with a handrail.
Atmosphere: Cramped, with tables, including ten to twelve booths, shoehorned into a space the size a dance studio. Visual interest is provided by the artwork and the array of characters dining here.
Sound Level:  Lively
Hours: 24 Hours
Credit Cards: All major.
WHAT THE STARS MEAN: Ratings range from zero to four stars and reflect the reviewer’s reaction primarily to food, with ambiance, service and price taken into consideration.

Photo © Icarus Blake

Photo © Icarus BlakeSERVICE Mediocre to Poor

Photo © Icarus Blake

Photo © Icarus Blake

4 Responses to “The McMichelin Review”

  1. Denise (KC) says:

    Good job, Shay. Interesting critique of our Fast Food Culture.

  2. Catherine Neary says:

    Great job My daughter Shay Thanks Brooklyn Citizen for giving me the pleasure of reading it.

  3. Shay Butta says:

    Thanks you guys!! <3

  4. Michael Zarcone says:

    Good job! Shay Now i got Blackmail you Do Eat MEAT.