Duck Dates: Day Game for Pickin’ up Dimes

He’s no forty year-old virgin, but he ain’t no Don Juan neither.

Story by Teo J. Babini - teo@citizenbrooklyn.com Photos by Icarus Blake
Photo © Icarus Blake

Photo © Icarus Blake

So, let me introduce you to the Duckling, affectionately known around the office as Le Petite Canard. He’s a nice guy, soft spoken and with a gentle awkwardness in his mumbling speech pattern. He’s no forty year-old virgin, but he ain’t no Don Juan neither. Having more of a shell to break out of than the band of maniacs he calls co-workers made him the perfect candidate to check out this Kick Ass Academy pick-up class. And, of course, your humble narrator would be his subversive chaperone.

It seemed like an idea that had the potential to be funny, but when I first read the advert it just seemed so hokey. I imagined some midlife weirdo in a tracksuit spoutin’ off pick-up lines like premature ejaculations, a real motivational mess hall. You know, manifestation through positive thinking and all the other life-coach garbage you’ll find in the ever-growing “self-help” section.

It was all very modern, the “Skill Share” class taking place in a rented conference room at Grind in midtown. Brought me right back to my college days, sitting in front of a power point, except the teachers were my age. The first thing that caught my eye was the mixed demographic, which included: six straight lacers (suit and tie cubicle slaves), and two wild cards. Of the office drones there we’re two friends who had read all the pick-up books already, one nondescript, a self-deprecator, a repeat customer (disciple?), and a Midwesterner who couldn’t get his head around city social interaction. The outliers included an over-enthusiastic cowboy (who was my role-play partner -_-), and a hefty hitchhiker, who was that guy who thought it was a good idea to eat a messy Korean salad with chopsticks in a packed room. Including the Duck, every major “race” was represented, fairly evenly, but I won’t dig into that, as it’s totally irrelevant. One thing every guy had in common was this: When asked if they would give up a year’s salary to acquire these abilities, they all said yes… This is when I really felt a big divide between the rest of the group and myself.

Photo © Icarus Blake

Photo © Icarus Blake

Now, before I get into the pros and cons of the actual lesson/system from my point of view, I want to state outright that these fellas are a couple of young entrepreneurs who really believe in this shit, in other words, they drink their own Kool-Aid. And I mean that in the best type of way. They believe they’ve figured it out, and they want you to figure it out too. I’ll even give a little testimonial here… My old roommate, who was a virgin ‘til a couple years ago (a hopeless one as far as many were concerned), read one of those books and ended up with a real live dime shortly there after. Straight up. But now for the day game breakdown:

Individuality – Unlike some other more cultish endeavors, they promote the individual adaptation of their proven methods. Their “rules” are not written in stone and can be bent and broken according to the situation and personalities involved. During the style section, they used their own clothes as examples, but outlined that it’s not about the actual garments and accessories they have, it’s more about standing out in a crowd, catching eyes, and wearing things that start conversations according to your own personal style and body type (They also said that anything your friends break your balls about will be loved by the ladies, and with this I could not agree more). Same goes for pick-up lines, they are not to be memorized word for word. They broke down the structure of the line and said as long as you convey the main points and delivery you can use your own vernacular. They also made it clear that their methods can be used to whichever end result you desire from creating a long-term committed relationship, to a slew of one nighters.

Photo © Icarus Blake

Photo © Icarus Blake

Authenticity – On a similar note, they essentially encourage you to be honest with yourself and others about what you actually want from the opposite sex, and to be unashamed of your personal values (Ex. Wanting multiple partners is not a taboo in today’s evolving society). They say you should be self-confident in general, but specifically speak highly of the things you do no matter what they are. In other words, have a genuine enthusiasm about your own life, with high expectations for your endeavors.

Carpe Diem – This is a big one. They basically plead with you to actually try these techniques, as many people just won’t make the commitment. They want you to see that you essentially have nothing to lose and everything to gain and that you shouldn’t stunt yourself with excuses and the inability to allow yourself to be vulnerable to rejection. In the same vein, they encourage you to live in the moment, walk without headphones, interact with strangers, call instead of text, etc. Opportunity knocks but once.

Treatment of Women – First of all, they had a girl in the room filming the lesson. I don’t think it was intentional, but it really broke the ice in the room. A transition from secret man-cave to open forum with nothing to hide or feel embarrassed about. In general, most of their techniques involve being a nice, complimentary person and understanding the girl in question. Learning about her will make your courting (date ideas, conversation) more successful.

Genetics – Not that the room was full of genetic disasters, but it’s a bit of kick in the nuts to hear success stories of the method from a pair of Abercrombie model lookin’ cats… Sorry, fellas, but for where you hang out, you got a one up on everybody in the room from the jump, myself included.

Photo © Icarus Blake

Photo © Icarus Blake

Bro-centrism – At one point in the class they rattled off a couple recommended hunting grounds (Whole Foods was one), they asked if anyone had any other places to share, and I offered the brothel that is the Burg, Union Pool in particular. They countered with: “Yeah? I never really make it out to Brooklyn.” Oh, man. How different my perspective would be had I not crossed the bridge with cock in hand. Overall, most of the places they suggested were costly West Vill/Meet Packing club scene spots. It’s not that there aren’t an abundance of available women around there, but they usually got eyes to the left and right of where you want them lookin’ (pockets). To each his own, I guess, but I just feel like it would make things a lot easier on these poor chaps.

Nativity – When it comes to the initial interaction, they recommend planting yourself in front of a lady and touching their arm in order to get their attention. As a native New Yorker, who knows his fair share of squaws, I can tell you that this is likely to ‘cause quite an unpleasant reaction if you happen upon a born and bred. We may be a rare breed, but some things never change.

Now, not that I’m some kinda pimp or anything like that, but I certainly do okay with the XX chromosome crowd, and, therefore, will not be changing my methods. But, if you find you’ve had trouble with the grind, give ‘er a try. Why not? Like the ol’ boys said, you’ve got nothing to lose.

PS The Duck still hasn’t dipped his little webbed foot in the pond… I guess he didn’t get the message.


2 Responses to “Duck Dates: Day Game for Pickin’ up Dimes”

  1. Dr B says:

    Icarus, your pictures rock!