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Fabulous You

Here are ten sure-fire tips guaranteed to make you more fabulous.

Story by Robert Boucheron - boucheronarch.com Photos by Muge Karamanci
Photo © Muge Karamanci

Photo © Muge Karamanci

When you look in the mirror, does it fog up? Are you as fabulous as you can be? Do you long to be the center of attention, yearn for the red carpet, want it bad? Being fabulous has nothing to do with age, gender, religion or the color of your roots. It has everything to do with sex. Fabulous people have sex, on average, multiple times a day. The amazing thing is, you can, too! Here are ten sure-fire tips guaranteed to make you more fabulous. In a jiffy you’ll be making heads turn, fending off unwanted advances, and making out big time.

Photo © Muge Karamanci

Photo © Muge Karamanci

1. Cultivate an air of mystery.
Say you’re at a chamber of commerce party, or a Wednesday night potluck supper, or a social function that requires you to wear a nametag. Fill in the blank with a question mark, or an indecipherable scrawl, or your initials in Braille—anything but your real name. Make them guess. When you’re out and about, no matter what the weather, wear sunglasses. Say things like “Wouldn’t you like to know?” and “My lips are sealed”. Dash off to an appointment without saying where it is. Be vague about your schedule. “Next quarter” sounds better than “next week”.

Photo © Muge Karamanci

Photo © Muge Karamanci

2. Use perfume.
Not the cheap kind from the discount warehouse. We’re talking designer name, heavy-duty, knock-their-socks-off stuff. Nothing signals sex like a heady aroma, any time of the day or night, male or female or whatever. Fragrance-free is for the birds. When you’re fabulous, people can smell it!

Photo © Muge Karamanci

Photo © Muge Karamanci

3. Eliminate stress.
It’s just that simple. Throw away your troubles. Let worries run off your back like water off a duck. Jettison that cargo of ineluctable woe. When someone is rude, pretend you didn’t hear. If a deadline is looming, and you haven’t even started that project, get an extension. When you have too much on your plate, tip some of it behind the potted ficus. The less frazzled you feel, the more fabulous you are!

Photo © Muge Karamanci

Photo © Muge Karamanci

4. Get plenty of shut-eye.
Scientific studies prove that people who sleep eight or more hours a night have stronger immune systems, catch fewer colds, do crossword puzzles faster and remember more details. Their bloodstream has an elevated level of red cells, T cells, enzymes and fabulocytes, the component that regulates sex appeal. Go to bed on time, and stay there until it’s time to get up. Your health and your love life will both get a boost.

Photo © Muge Karamanci

Photo © Muge Karamanci

5. Stop whining.
So the bus was late, Larry didn’t call, the cat is shedding, Felicity forgot to send the interim report, and the deli you go to because it’s on the corner, and because Mario works there (but he was off today), was out of smoked salmon. Deal with it! Everybody hates a whiner, including you, if you think about it. So don’t. Whenever you feel that urge to complain bubbling up like gastric reflux, swallow hard. If you really have to unload, and you’re waiting in line, and it’s not moving, and you’re about to lose it, here’s a trick. Call your home number and leave a message. Bingo! You can erase it later.

Photo © Muge Karamanci

Photo © Muge Karamanci

6. Shed ten pounds.
You’ve been meaning to lose weight for months or decades, so just do it. People will notice something different, but they won’t be able to put a finger on what. They’ll say something like “Did you get a haircut?” or “Is that a new outfit?” Actually, it might be, because you’re thinner now, and you need to go shopping. While you’re at it, you might as well buy something stylish and flattering, maybe even get a haircut. But don’t tell anybody. Remember rule number one: mysterious = fabulous!

Photo © Muge Karamanci

Photo © Muge Karamanci

7. Make new friends.
Not dorks, but people who are successful, sought-after and verifiably fabulous. Hang out with them; get to know their preferences, their pets and their quirky personal habits. Refer to them by first name only. Stick to them like glue when the cameras appear, stay in the frame, and smile! Send silly, touching messages like “Way to go, Jen!” and “Love the new surgery!” Be ready to drop everything at a moment’s notice, so that you can fly with them to Paris or Dubai for a weekend of parties, clubs, private film screenings and consensual sex. No matter what you read online, celebrities love company, especially people who are as fabulous as they are.

Photo © Muge Karamanci

Photo © Muge Karamanci

8. Change it up.
Let’s say you’re a guy and you always wear briefs: switch to boxer shorts. Or vice versa. If you’re a gal who leans to sensible and conservative, go wild and lacy. Go from long johns to thong, cotton to silk, insulated waffle-weave to sheer. Nobody will see, but you will know. That strange feeling inside will make you more aware, more sensual. Try not to fidget or tug on the elastic. Check the weather forecast. Like Goldilocks, you don’t want to be too hot or too cold. And if you work for a Swiss bank, scope out the employee dress code.

Photo © Muge Karamanci

Photo © Muge Karamanci

9. Think fabulous thoughts.
If there was a magic pill that increased fabulousness, you could call an 800 number, and I would send you a year’s supply with a full-color brochure of accessories to revamp your lifestyle, but there isn’t. You knew that, right? Instead, you can be as fabulous as you want by following the rules and thinking about it nonstop, twenty-four seven. Play up your assets, and maximize your positives. Set goals such as “Garner five compliments on morning commute.” Say to yourself: “I feel fabulous today, even more than yesterday.” Before you know it, you’ll need a personal assistant to screen your calls.

10. Focus.
Okay, this is pretty much the same tip as before, but good advice bears repeating. Close your eyes and visualize yourself as stunning. Drop the YMCA modern dance class and go boogie. Stare into the abyss, give it a hug, and say “Ciao, baby!” How fabulous is that?

3 Responses to “Fabulous You”

  1. Author says:

    The photo illustrations are utterly fabulous!

  2. Betty Brubach says:

    Love this, I feel more Fabulous already !!!!