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Rant #3: Scared and Self-Righteous

I bet that Bachelor in the Arts you got will look real nice next to all the debt collection notices.

Story by Thor Benson - thorbenson@gmail.com Photos by Muge Karamanci
Photo  © Muge Karamanci

Photo © Muge Karamanci

The nineteen fifties are over and we don’t have to give a damn about your fucking sweater vest anymore. We had a god damn cultural revolution and you’re squandering it on the chance to never say something that might offend someone you’re not even talking to. I don’t give a shit if this doesn’t fold nicely into the bag of writing style and etiquette books you’ve been collecting, because they’re all just Bunsen burners boiling off what’s left in the test tube. Turn the flame up; I think someone put something original in there.

Photo  © Muge Karamanci

Photo © Muge Karamanci

I bet that Bachelor in the Arts you got will look real nice next to all the debt collection notices. The next workshop you go to has to be the one. It has to be the one where someone else says something that gives you an idea that you didn’t learn from a study guide. I hope you find the perfect outline for creating something that other people will think fits in well with what they’ve already decided is acceptable. You are an echo chamber of old rules.

Photo  © Muge Karamanci

Photo © Muge Karamanci

Good luck to your endeavors in teaching. Just remember, it’s only a job so that you can continue to hone your craft until it squeezes into the endless shelves of unrecognizable reiteration. You are the edgiest fourth grade art teacher in the district. You are the rebel who stays up until midnight drinking white wine. You are the master of your social media domain. Your friends revel in your scheduled abstractions.

Photo  © Muge Karamanci

Photo © Muge Karamanci

I hope those thick-rimmed glasses don’t break and expose your real face. It would be a shame for someone to realize they were the only thing keeping you from looking like a suburban drag. I bet you’re wondering if Bukowski ever read a self-help book. I bet you’re wondering if James Dean ever tried to quit smoking and drinking. I bet you’re wondering if Tarantino was ever concerned with using gender-neutral terms.

Photo  © Muge Karamanci

Photo © Muge Karamanci

Visit Thor’s Kickstarter here and support his new book “The Story of Oregon’s Prisoners”.

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