Sam’s Confusing Day
A day in the life a dog.
Photo © Alex Magi
Call me Sam. Is it my real name? What’s a real name? The name our parents give us? The name we call ourselves? The name our friends or lovers call us? I don’t know. I’m called Sam, because that’s what Joe, my human, calls me. Oh, and just so you know, I’m a dog, a mixed breed. My mother was a full-blooded Wheaten Terrier, but my father… Well, I don’t know a lot about him, but rumor has it he was part some kind of terrier, part beagle, part Australian shepherd, part spaniel, part… Well, you get the idea. I’ve got no problems with being a mixed breed. Like most of my kind, I’m smart, I’m healthy, and I’m good looking. Really good looking. The kind of good looking that makes it hard to take a walk because every female human we pass stops to pet me and tell Joe how adorable I am. And, if they happen to be cute, and single, Joe usually manages to wind up getting their phone number. And, whenever he gets a phone number, I get a treat. But Joe’s not the only one who does well with the bitches, and I don’t bother with phone numbers. I go straight to sniffing me that cute canine pussy, which always makes Joe a little jealous. It also makes what happened the day in question even odder.
Photo © Alex Magi
It was a sunny summer afternoon. Joe and I had taken a walk in Central Park and I headed us to Bethesda Fountain, where there were sure to be plenty of human and canine females. Joe and I had perfected a game: when he noticed a female he thought was hot, he’d let me off leash. I’d run over to her and make a fuss. He’d follow, apologizing for my behavior. It was kind of like fetch. If the female wasn’t interested, Joe would put my leash on and we’d walk away. But if she was, I’d stick around until Joe gave me a certain look, then I’d wander off on my own leaving the two of them to sniff… Which is what happened that Sunday afternoon.
Photo © Alex Magi
I wandered around the plaza, stopping occasionally to say hello to a dog I knew or to be petted by a human I didn’t. And then I saw her, the most beautiful, cream-colored miniature poodle; perfectly, but not overly, groomed. I’ve been dazzled by a lot of bitches, but this was different. This was like the “Lady and the Tramp” bedtime story my mother used to tell us when we were puppies. My “Lady” was standing patiently in the middle of the plaza beside her human; an officious-looking, perfectly groomed gay guy in cream-colored linen slacks, Ferragamo loafers and a pink shirt. He was talking to a similarly dressed and groomed gay guy. Now, I’ve got nothing against the gays. Truth is, many’s the time I’ve proudly gotten my nose up into some hot balls and butt holes, and let my own be nosed back. So when I describe this guy as “an officious-looking, perfectly groomed gay guy,” it’s done solely to help conjure a specific visual image.
Photo © Alex Magi
I shook out my coat and trotted over to the poodle. She immediately turned and walked as far in the opposite direction as her extendable leash would allow… which was pretty far. Odd. Maybe she just didn’t want to say hello to a “mixed breed” so close to her human (who, deep in conversation was oblivious to both her and me). I trotted over to her in a wide arc, my eyes sparkling expectantly, but just as I approached, she again headed off as far as her leash would allow in another direction. Nothing like this had ever happened to me. After a third try, rather than follow her, I sat down on the plaza, cocked my head and tried to make sense of the confusing situation. I looked at “Lady.” I looked at her human, still oblivious to anything but himself and his friend, and I realized what needed to be done.
Photo © Alex Magi
Nonchalantly, I wandered over to her human. “Lady” remained as far away as she could be, watching. I made eye contact with her, then lifted my leg, and peed on her human’s trousers. It took a moment for the warm liquid to soak through the linen enough for him to feel it. He looked down, “This dog just peed on me! Get away!” I happily obliged. “Whose dog is this?!” he screamed. “Whose dog just peed on me?!” Joe and the woman didn’t acknowledge they knew me. Other people laughed. Even the second gay guy laughed. “It’s not funny!” the human yelled, shaking his wet leg, and he was right. It wasn’t funny. It was deadly serious. I grinned as I trotted past “Lady.” “Yo bitch, you’re not interested in me? Fine. But I just marked your human… Now, he’s mine!”
43 Responses to “Sam’s Confusing Day”
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Love this! More, please…
Great story, love the ending.
Michael, this is wonderful. I have a grin across my face that won’t go away. I love it.
It’s always good to see dog stories.
Adorable. My kind of pup. Good writing!
Keep them coming!!
Very true and hysterical. I love Sam. Great story, Michael!
What a great story. I loved it. Let’s hear more from this terrific writer.
Great story!! I loved it. I can visualize the whole thing. Let’s hear more.
LOVE THIS!!! Hilarious, cute, playful! More of this please!
Nice work, Michael. Love the surprise ending, More stories about this of and his human, please
Nice work, Michael. Love the surprise ending, More stories about this dog and his human, please.
Charming NY story: is this part one of a series? Hope so.
Love this. Looking forward to the next one!
Loved it. This should be a series. More!!!
Funny. Most stories are not.
Adorable. Looking forward to next installment!
Omg it’s like Dogs of New York (instead of Humans!) Hilars- great pics too.
I love a story where the type of people/pets who piss you off are pissed on!! I hope to read moré from this writer. Great. venue too!!
Wonderful ….. Fun…. And real! Keep this writer! Can’t waiti to read his next story!
Very funny story and for us dog people, very true.!
Great story. Even greater ending. Lets have more.
love the story Michael
What a hilarious and outrageous story — I loved it.
Michael, this story is adorable — and I agree with all the people who said “hope this is the first in a series of Sam Stories!” P.S. I voted for you and Thom Racina on One Life To Live in the Emmys. Hope you win! Take care, Love, Maralyn
adorable
Great! Life through the eyes (or better yet, the nose) of a dog…..
Great story. You should write more with Sam meeting other dogs and animals !!!
Hope this is the first of many Sam stories. I loved it.
Loved the story. Let’s hear more from this author.
Brilliant idea,great imagination , well written. Keep them coming.
Really enjoyed this, Michael. Hope there are more on the way… It’d be a “doggone shame” if this were the only Sam adventure!
Love this story and the pictures. Sam sounds like a typical New Yorker to me.. More please
Love Sam and his NY attitude. Thanks so much for giving us the pleasure of getting to know him!
Love this story, love dogs and I love the victory over any kind of elitist.
Well written and joyous… more, please.
Very interesting and charming story, Michael. Let’s hear some more!
Needs to be a series. Write on!
I loved the story…can’t wait to read more of Sam…and my parents loved it too!
such a fun story!!! i loved it!! what is the next escapade?!!
can’t wait for the next episode!!! love sam’s spunk!!
Such a fun story, Michael! Perspective is everything, yes?
Fun, fun! Yes, I totally agree with the other comments: Michael Slade, please make this into a series! We beg you!
Made me laugh (and I’m not a pet person).
Love this! Agree with one of the above comments…this should be a series! More more more please!
Laughing out loud. Thanks.