Visions of Valentines: The Love Lottery

For the rest of the population, Cupid’s arrow seems to have missed and someone somewhere has lost an eye as a result.

By Teo J. Babini teo@citizenbrooklyn.com images: Icarus Blake


Good ol’ San Valentino. Historically speaking, his day has always inspired an interesting range of “feelings”, from the romantic standard My Funny Valentine to Al Capone’s massacre of his Irish rivals during Chicago’s prohibition heyday. But, today, V-day is almost as polarizing as a presidential election.

On the one hand, you have your traditional “romantics”. These are the folks who’ve reserved their pre-fix well in advanced leaving you with not much more that Seamless for sustenance. To them this day is the ultimate excuse to splurge in the name of “love”. The standard options are a box of chocolates and a dozen roses (Some people also send each other heart shaped balloons, which has always puzzled me for some reason). Those with deeper pockets might even spring for a couple karats. There is one thing most of these people have in common… They are generally not single.

For the rest of the population, Cupid’s arrow seems to have missed and someone somewhere has lost an eye as a result. This category contains a couple of sub-groups:
The Conspiracy Theorists: These are those who’ve rejected the Hallmark holiday based on its lack of validity, thinking it a consumerist ploy to keep Tiffany’s in business. Though they may not be entirely wrong, I think their time is better spent sneering at the long lines on Black Friday as they pass.


The Trauma Setters: Now these guys and gals, like everyone else, have at one point or another had their wee little hearts broken… In other words, they resent the fact that they need to be reminded of their misery. And, as we all know, misery loves company, so if you’re not, then they resent you too. You’ll find these folks on social media putting up those annoyingly humorless memes that people use to make bland statements that they don’t have the creativity to come up with on their own (For the record: no one should under any circumstance voluntarily publish these, they are really the worst).
The Bros/Hipsters: They have found a way to solve the problem of being single, sort of. As with every other major or even semi relevant holiday, they have turned into yet another party, concert, pub crawl, event, general excuse to binge drink. If your idea of Romeo and Juliet is a blacked out hook up and a hang over, congrats, you’ve figured it out. Turn down for what?

The Realists: These are more commonly the non-single folks in this group. They are usually in pretty solid relationships and find that they don’t need a specific day to express their affections for one another. “Everyday is Valentine’s Day”. For them, often a slight acknowledgment is enough—Breakfast in bed, a kind word, a few extra kisses, maybe even a nice dinner the day before or after.

For me personally, I’ve spent plenty of Valentines days single, but it never really made me hate it. I’ve always thought that a day dedicated to love is a nice thing regardless of the controversy. You know, make it your own, why take the opportunity to remind someone you love them? Shit, if you want to, just grab a coffee for a stranger who lookin’ gloomy, you might just make their day. Or, if anything, jus’ go out of your way to have some really great sex, ‘cause that’s always worth celebrating. Happy Valentine’s!



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